Wasting my life away for the past fourteen years must has sucked. I feel like I've just woken up from this deep sleep; and like I've missed a whole chunk of my life. When my grandma died it was like my head got shoved in a big bucket of ice. My world crumbled around me and I was awoken to this foreign world of hypocrisy and lies. I hate it. People constantly argue- as if it's some necessity. But, I'm glad I'm awake and seeing these things. I miss her sometimes. She really understood me. And now she's gone, and she's not coming back. And no one fucking knows what I'm going through at this fucking school of mine, because except from a couple of people, the kids there live in their own little bubble in which life is beautiful, and happy and always good. They need to wake up and realise that they are not special, no one really gives a shit about them. In fact, no one gives a shit about anyone in this world. We'd all like to think we live for something, but we all were just an accident. Like fuck we were put on this Earth on purpose, we fucking evolved from apes. Love? What the hell is love. Oh yeah, a fucking heart destroyer, who kills every ounce of emotion you may have left in your pathetic excuse for a life. I have no reason. No purpose. I'm just an empty shell, put here as a space-filler, and someone for all the shit to happen to. Yeah, call me a fucking attention seeker, and then just go and join the fucking club, because to be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less what anyone thinks of me anymore. If you don't like me, just stay the fuck away because I'm on the edge and I don't need some loser with no life coming up to me with their materialistic views and shitty hopes and dreams and verbally bashing me for having problems. So this basically is just a complete vent and I hope everyone on this pathetic site reads this because you all need to realise you are not special, and there is not a light at the end of the tunnel, and there is no special someone somewhere out there just for you. My life is slowly going to cock, and I'm watching as it falls around me. I'm standing on a small platform which is slowly crumbling and then I'll be gone; fallen into the dark abyss.

R.I.P : Hilda Massam, my amazing grandmother.. (November 5, 2007)
R.I.P: Albert Massam, my granddad..
R.I.P: My great uncle Frank (February 24, 2008)
R.I.P: Bob Ponder, my grandad..

I loved you all, and I miss you.